The desire to prove something to someone

If you can, remember your childhood. How did you make cakes of sand, how you ran and laughed, how you played cars/dolls, something else … And then remember the school. There wasn’t much fun at school anymore – it was necessary to study, get good grades, learn homework, read various books, etc. And surely each of us knows that in addition to fun, laughter, joy, and happiness, there are also sadness, shame, anger, and other negatives. So we are arranged that in the “default” settings we avoid the “unpleasant” and strive for the pleasant.

We will not touch the hot iron 2 times, because it hurts. Such a reaction is logical, but during school years, as a rule, difficulties begin. The term “necessary” appears at school. Nobody asks who likes what subjects – you need to learn everything in a row. Those. first, the task is given to do “something” that might not be interesting to you at all. Then, if you did it badly – they beat you with an emotional whip: they put “2”, criticize or even scold, in short, they just hurt. If you do something well, you will be praised (sometimes even in front of the whole class). But the main thing here is not that they praise, but that they DO NOT CRITICIZE, i.e. Do not hit with that emotional whip. Recalls any phenomenon from ancient times? And from the circus? =)

As a result, it turns out that we begin to KNOW IN ADVANCE: if we didn’t succeed, they will do it “unpleasantly” to us. And we begin to scold ourselves – oh, how bad I am, again the deuce / failed to hand over the session / repair the cabinet. “On the opposite side – if everything works out well, then we have a pleasant feeling that we are good fellows, deserved a cookie. Unfortunately, since we have been boiling it for 10 years, anger towards ourselves is gradually becoming a habit, and also out of habit we begin to strive for “success”, but not as an achievement that PERSONALLY desired by us, but as OPPOSITIONS “unpleasant” “. That is, in fact, we begin to force ourselves.

However, if you recall childhood again, then it has one distinctive feature – in your childhood, you did NOT NEED praise and did not need success. You could just sit in the sandbox and pick a stick in the ground, you could just play catch-up with people as small as you, or you could just splash around in the water. And you didn’t need an adult to come and say, “Well done, Tolik, handsome, you’ve been digging with a stick in the ground, if only everyone would pick themselves like that – there wouldn’t be any problems in the country …” So, right? You didn’t try to “make a super-easter cake” or “make the best Easter cake in the sandbox”. You just sat and painted these Easter cakes, because this is such an interesting, interesting and funny occupation.

If you remember childhood again, then it has one distinguishing feature – in your childhood you did NOT NEED success.

I’ll make a reservation that there is nothing wrong with success when you really like what you do and you just want to learn how to do it well. The bad thing about success is when you force yourself to strive for it, torture yourself and drive yourself because “without success, it hurts you.”

Unfortunately, one of the negative features of this desire for success is that we need it QUICKLY because now it hurts without it, it hurts that Vaska buys the 3rd best, and I, like a sucker, chasing the bike. It hurts that Senya and his wife went to Spain, and I, like a fool, sit here at 40, I don’t go anywhere. And we sit and torment ourselves, criticize, burning ourselves from the inside out, STRINGING on to succeed. It’s the same as standing on the coals and at the same time kindling them under yourself – of course, you will want ASAP as soon as possible to dump them. Where it’s not so hot. But, please, remember – you yourself once kindled this fire. Most likely, it was under pressure, but now he is there, pushing you because he managed to turn into a habit from childhood. We are all used to pushing and striving because otherwise we were hurt. It just so happened, and we are not to blame. Let’s just try to gradually move away from this – this will not happen once because a 10-year-old habit will not go away instantly. Therefore, do not push yourself here too =)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *